Songs To Cure Depression :: Tom Jones – ‘Treat Her Right’

“I’ve never kissed two sisters”

Having very little recollection, but still feeling the effects, of an evening over 72 hours ago and trying over that 72 hour period to dull down the anxiety, depression, and head aches by, no surprise, drinking more it seemed as good a time as any to give up the booze for a while.
“Did I really fall over in front of all those people?”
…and if so, and that’s what I remember, then what else?
We should be changing the name of this article to ‘Songs to Cure Being a Massive Drunk’ but lets just keep it as it is because, as any real boozer knows, there’s a heavy time of dark melancholy after every occasion where the binge gets out of hand and your brain tells you,
“QUIT, YOU BASTARD! OR IT’S AN EARLY GRAVE!”
…though it might very well still be.

Now, I’m not a huge fan of Tom Jones. In fact, if anything, I think the guy is scum. Nothing but a giant abscess in the dental work of the music industry, but instead of rooting out the puss-filled bastard and attempting to remove the remaining dead pulp that’s been left over with a filling of something with an actual reason for being and a shred of remaining talent, I mean, how hard can it be to find another mediocre singer who isn’t as old as time and space, and doesn’t sport a face that looks more like a cow that had a stroke than a human being? It can’t be that difficult. Not with the 83,746 talent T.V. shows out there (one of which, our favourite Manatee featured, sheep fucking, crooner now presents).
Anyway, we’re going away from the main point here, this is supposed to cure depression, not give some sad over-the-hill fart a heavy dose of it (not that he ever read this) so here we go. Yes, it’s Tom Jones. Yes, he is a shit. But watch this video and, as long as you’re not some ardent feminist (and maybe even then), you will LOVE this. This is sexuality at its peak. The guy has hips like a perpetual motion giro. His arms are two cobras snapping with a rabid fury at the air, searching for some illustrious field mouse in the sky so as to rips its heart from its tiny little chest. His head, well his head look like someone shaved their pubes and stuck them to a bobble-head doll. BUT. Other than than, this guy is lightning.
Hell, after watching this even I wanna have a few dances at the ‘in the bed disco’ with the old ball bag.

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