A hard abusive vacuum of negativity twists and hides inside your stomach, making the only viable escape an abundance of alcohol fuelled nights combined with a terrifying fear of static living, causing both the mind and body to cave in to defeat.
Again, I’d hit rock bottom. I was keeping busy, but I still couldn’t shake the depression. It was consuming me, and I was spending 70% of my waking moments drinking myself into an oblivion and trying to see the optimism in life. Then it came in the strangest of ways. I found optimism in Leeds. Fuck! I’ve already written that article, so I’ll pick up from where that one finished.
I woke on Barlow’s couch and screamed “WHERE THE HELL AM I?” – A split second of confusion, as I woke in a place I’d never seen before. I was given a lift home from Barlow’s ma and soon after met Lewis. The sun was beaming, and I still had the edifying passion of yesterday’s antics where the music and company was like fire in my belly. We headed down the canals to a pub where the boats docked and they sold coffee, nuts, beer, and would give you a free pint of water with a slice of lemon if you bought all three; which I did. After we left, we entered an abandoned house, looked around, got lost in a forest and gave some golfers the finger. When we got back to my flat we bought a bunch of beers, pulled out the acoustic and sang Alkaline Trio songs all night.
Alkaline Trio had been my favourite band since I was about 12. Before then it might have very well been New Kids On The Block, but these things I’ve blocked from my memory. Their combination of pop-punk riffs – with dark, intoxicated subject matters for lyrics – have spoken to me in a way no other band ever have. This is where it all began (sort of). ‘Goodbye Forever’ was once my favourite Trio song. Unfortunately, as is the case with many old favourites, they become over played and left on the hypothetical shelf of music that has been burnt out from over indulgence. Lewis blasted it out, and a wave of old emotions from a time of old Trio and white cider with blackcurrent around Manchester on a Saturday afternoon flushed back. We sang it hard, we sang it loud, and I’m sure the Trio would have been proud as long as they never had to hear our off-key vocals shouts.