Rock n Roll is dead. Long live Rock.
After a long day at the track, The Stig resorted to making mass, generic hip hop
Some would argue this has been a long time coming. Others have said it has been a long established fact. Realistically, however, there is a simple truth behind all of the hype. Rock and roll has died and it is one of its longest serving champions who has driven the final stake through its heart.
As bold and perhaps unashamedly over dramatic as this headline is, the fact of the matter still exists that rock music is in decline. When this writer first started with Moon & Back Music back in 2009 there was a case to be made that rock music would, could and should never die. At that time, however, the music industry was a different place.
The top earners in global events and gigs were all traditional rock acts. AC/DC, U2, The Eagles, Rolling Stones, Bon Jovi, it was an eternal list of the glitterati who have lit up stereos and music systems the world over for the past five decades. January 2012, however is a very different and bleaker outlook.
Causing this is one particular track. The hugely popular William James Adams, Jr, aka will.i.am is the sometimes eponymous “singer” of the even more popular Black Eyed Peas. For those readers who are unfamiliar with this group’s work, they are the hip hop act who appeal to those discerning and music conscious consumers who do not wish their hip hop to be dangerous, threatening or indeed hip hop in any way shape or form. He is also a producer, rapper, actor, songwriter, dancer and creative director, managing to balance all of these talents along with being the single softest person in music.
With his latest offering now gaining widespread recognition from a baying public, he has systematically brought about the final death knell for rock music and its widespread popularity. It is, as usual, the typical air brushed, photo shopped, auto tuned out of it’s tiny little mind, nonsense we have all come to expect from Mr Adams Jr. Entitled, “The Hardest Ever” said artiste stumbles through four mind numbingly dull minutes hopping from trains to trucks to helicopters to fighter jets and eventually into a space ship fleeing from an as yet unrevealed foe, possibly speakers one hundred feet tall blasting out his “greatest hits”
As with any master criminal, he has an accomplice, somebody in which to turn to for undying support when the question “is this bad enough yet” crosses his Botox filled lips. Where Bonnie had Clyde, Adams Jr has Jennifer Lopez, once again airbrushed and crammed into clothes perhaps better suited for a woman not in her 60s. Her collaboration is limited, thankfully, to a rehashed vox pop that could not have taken any longer than five minutes to record, indeed a fraction of the time it must have taken her to scrub up for her appearance in the video.
But is with great pity, shame, horror and regret that we reach the final offender on the list. Yes, as hard as it is to believe that such a throw away piece of forgettable populous nonsense could take three recording artists to produce, the last name on this venerable hit list is none other than Sir Michael Jagger. Shock, gasp, save the children, the Knight of the Realm appears at the end of an elaborated graphic sequence in which will.i.am has traveled through a Clarke/Kubrick 2001: Space Odyssey esque star gate flooded with more multicolored J-Los than Ben Affleck’s worst acid trip.
For what purpose this serves in the overall narrative of the video and song is anybody’s best guess. In the movie/novel this was seen as a watershed movement towards a higher place of evolution for the human race. The first five callers to get the answer correct for this interpretation will win tickets to King Crimson. Fans will be glad to know there is no homicidal on board computer, only the million screaming voices of terror as the track is unleashed on the universe.
Jagger’s appearance at the end of this sequence, in what can only be described as a blathering, incoherent rap/rant, symbolizes a transitional moment in music. As sales figures and general consensus grow that, in the UK at least, rock music has been replaced as the public’s first choice in buying music. The overall growth in so called “bedroom producers” and the ability in which to self distribute, publish and sell music on a much more personal level has also taken a toll on the rock scene, if not from a local level then certainly a mainstream success level.
It would be spurious to say that this appearance of the Rolling Stone in such a different, unabashedly commercial hit has been the final moment to solidify rock’s relegation. Maroon 5, serial offenders in the defamation of rock’s mainstream profile, have their “hit” “Moves like Jagger” and Cheryl Cole’s more talented clone Cher Lloyd’s “Swagger Jagger” have brought the veteran rocker’s profile up in the past few months. Never one to shirk making money, it could be argued that Mick is merely riding the cash cow and banking on this new found obsession modern artists seem to have with his sags and wrinkles.
Regardless, the frankly laughable “The Hardest Ever” is here to stay and will no doubt set dance floors alight and make multiple millions for all of those involved. One good to come from it, however, is that “Dancing in the Street,” is now no longer Jagger’s worst collaborated work. Mr Bowie, you may rest easy.
Jonathan Whitelaw
For those who wish to witness the carnage first hand, the single was released on 20th of November, 2011 and is, of course, widely available.
Fucking Oath