Valentine’s Hangover – An alternative playlist

Are you just about sick to death of this whole Valentine’s nonsense. Well you’ve come to the right place then!

TatooNow that all of that soppy, squishy Valentine’s rubbish is over, its time for a bit of classic rock and roll to shove down your gullet. For those of you who had just about enough of “Everything I do” and “Lady in Red” and so forth, here’s a quick alternative list of “love” songs to fill your head with reason and sanity once again.

It cannot be stressed enough how much love songs are well and truly terrible. You merely have to look at the warbling antics of such felons as Westlife, James Bl(C)unt and the derisive, fake tanned caterwauling of Peter Andre to have bile pushed to the very tip of your throat. Luckily for us who still remain firmly on the right side of sanity, Rock music comes to our saviour once again, asking little more than a quick fumble and frolic in return.

Starting off the playlist are those long haired, heavy drinking, Ozzy rockers Airbourne. From their debut album Runnin’ Wild, we have a fine selection of songs where the word love is merely a four letter synonym for womanising, drinking and general debauchery. The most notable would be the finely titled “Girls in Black”, “Cheap Wine & Cheaper Women” and the more than double entendre “Diamond in the Rough” make your own minds up about what that could possibly mean. These tracks are, admittedly, mostly appreciated by single characters, the prospect of a night on the town much more appealing than a night on the couch, exposing our dead eyes to Mamma Mia, again. Indeed the winner does take it all.

However if the prospect of a fornicating romp around your nearest bars/clubs and inner city apartments isn’t quite your cup of tea there are plenty of much calmer songs to do with the affairs of the heart. Led Zeppelin’s “Goin’ to California” and “Ramble On” provide a much more tempered approach to love, dealing with the ups and downs, highs and lows, trials and tribulations of unrequited and lost love. Couple the enigmatic, fantasy ladened lyrics with master guitar and mandolin work from Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones and a wonderful mixture of volatile imagery allows the listener to slip off into a calming world, void of hallmark confectionary and consumerism.

Thunder also can provide a harder bighting edge to the lost love of this cruel world we inhabit. “Does it Feel like Love” and “Like a Satellite” from the album Laughing on Judgement Day give the listener a much needed boost if they are sick and tired, or even heartbroken from the toils of pre, post and general Valentine’s madness. “Dirty Love” from Backstreet Symphony also provides a wonderful alternative to typical love songs, guaranteed to bring a smile and jolt to any down and out rocker, long parted from their significant other, whatever that may mean.

So there it stands a quick, alternative playlist to get you through these disgustingly soft times. Whilst the rest of the world may be bleary eyed, staring through their rose tinted glasses to the tune of an overpriced restaurant bill, at least we amongst the rock and roll community can raise a glass and toast to their ignorance. But after all, even us rocker’s can feel the flutter of cherubs around our heads, every now and then.

Jonathan Whitelaw

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